Actually, I CAN Imagine

Spouse: hey, did you get a chance to read that article I sent you? The one about aphantasia?

Me: YEP

Spouse: …I thought it brought up a lot of interesting points.

Me: SURE DID

Spouse: Um, I liked that the author specifically countered the idea that aphantasia equals uncreative. I loved hearing about that guy who works at Pixar who has aphantasia. Clearly he must have imagination!

Me: YEAH THAT WAS GREAT

Spouse: …and I thought it was kind of cool that the doctor they interviewed said he didn’t think aphantasia was a disability.

ME: ACTUALLY HE SAID “DISORDER”

Spouse: Oh?

Me: HE SAID “THIS IS NOT A DISORDER IT’S A VARIATION IN HUMAN EXPERIENCE”

Spouse: I mean, that’s kind of nice to hear.

Me: “AN INTRIGUING VARATION” TO BE EXACT

Spouse: …yeah, that fits in with the idea that aphantasia could be about more than just visualizing or not visualizing. Like I can visualize really well but I’m not very good at remembering songs. And I can’t imagine flavors at all. Whereas you have aphantasia and you always have music going in your head. And you can “taste” anything just by thinking about it. Hey – maybe that’s part of why you’re a better cook than I am.

Me: YEP YEP FASCINATING STUFF 

Spouse: …is there a reason you’re shouting so much?

Me: AM I

Spouse: you really are yeah

Me: GOSH I CAN’T IMAGINE WHY

Spouse: …

Me: SEE WHAT I DID THERE 

Me: I HAVE APHANTASIA AND I CAN’T VISUALIZE

Me: SO I SAID I CAN’T IMAGINE 

Me: BWAHAHAHA

Spouse: -_-

Me: HEY DID YOU READ THE COMMENT SECTION OF THAT ARTICLE BY ANY CHANCE

Spouse: Oh, dear.

Me: YEAH IT’S GREAT YOU SHOULD TAKE A LOOK WHEN YOU HAVE A MINUTE

Spouse: Should I?

Me: ABSOLUTELY

Me: OTHERWISE HOW WILL YOU KNOW IMPORTANT STUFF

Spouse: …like?

Me (finally, blessedly lowering my voice) (but still sounding really ticked off): “I wonder if sociopaths are more likely to have aphantasia than non sociopaths are. It would fit, wouldn’t it?”

Spouse: Seriously?

Me: No, no – I made that up.

Spouse: Really?

Me: NO

Spouse (sighing): Oh, boy.

Me: What is WITH that guy? I can’t visualize, so I must be some conscience-free creep? How does THAT qualify as a logical leap?

Spouse: yeah people get some ridiculous ideas

Me: I mean, seriously! That friend of mine heard about aphantasia when the articles about it started coming out a few years ago and all of a sudden my feed is full of illness-as-metaphor nonsense like, “oh, yeah, I bet people who have aphantasia don’t support social safety-net programs. They can’t visualize, so they can’t imagine what it’s like to be someone else, so they don’t have empathy, so they’re big jerks.” 

Spouse: To be fair, she didn’t know you were –

Me: I mean, here I am just minding my own business, taking care of the building, taking care of kids, taking care of animals, baking for friends, baking for family, just generally baking a LOT. 

Me: Hey – since I bake so much, doesn’t that mean I’m sweet? I mean, I’m around all that SUGAR. That’s how it works, right?

Spouse: um

Me: So anyway, here I am just going along thinking I’m kind of an okay person. 

Spouse: Sure!

Me: And then –

Spouse: um

Me: BOOM

Spouse: GAH

Me: Turns out I’m a big screaming sociopath!

Spouse: I don’t think that’s –

Me: I reeeeally wish they hadn’t turned off the commenting on that article. I NEED to ask that guy some questions.

Spouse: Okay, maybe not such a great –

Me: “Gosh – am I a sociopath if I punch you and enjoy it, but I know I’m not supposed to enjoy it?”

Spouse: hmm

Me: “Plus I’m 53 years old and I’ve never actually punched anyone and wouldn’t you think if I were a sociopath I’d have done SOMETHING interesting by now?”

Spouse: I think you’re just lazy.

Me: Gosh, thanks. 

Me: Honestly, I don’t know which one’s more huggable: THIS guy, or the murderer who said in pretty much so many words, “Hey – I’m a white supremacist. Do NOT go around telling people I’m AUTISTIC. I don’t want them getting a bad impression of me.”

Spouse: Seriously???

Me: Yeah, but that’s another blog post for another day.