Nutty Crows

The day before the first day

Me (texting): hey listen as long as you’re picking up crickets can you check out how expensive dry dog food is? I read that crows sometimes like kibble if it isn’t too big.

Spouse: Sure.

Spouse (ten minutes later): The clerk recommended a kind that’s only $6.50 a bag. Want me to grab some?

Me: wait you told the pet store person that I’m trying to feed crows?

Spouse: Yep!

Me: yeah that’s probably not even the tenth weirdest thing they’ve heard this year

Me: sure go ahead and grab that bag of kibble

The night before the first day

Me: (covers tiny balcony table with newspaper)

Me: (solemnly puts out a big pile of unsalted peanuts in the shell)

Me: (lays out some dog kibble too)

Me (back inside the apartment): Am I the worst vegan in the world for buying dog food?

Spouse: Not THE worst, no.

Me: okay so I’m bad?

Spouse: Maybe if you were buying it for yourself…

Me: fine whatever

Spouse: Why are you putting it out tonight?

Me: I can’t go out on the balcony during the day!

Me: I might scare them!

Me: And I’ll definitely scare the songbirds!

Me: I hope the crows don’t scare the songbirds.

Me: I hope the crows show up.

The first day

Me: …huh.

The evening of the first day

Spouse: So, how’d it go?

Me: Okay, I guess.

Me: I mean I didn’t see any crows on the balcony.

Me: But I kind of steered clear just in case.

Me: I saw a few peanut shells on the ledge, so I guess they grabbed them and put them there.

Me: And the rest of the peanuts are gone!

Spouse: That’s good!

Me: Every now and then I’d see a crow fly by with something sticking out of its bill. I think they must have been swooping by and grabbing peanuts on the sly.

Spouse: Sure.

Me: They fly really quietly.

Spouse: Really?

Me: Yeah. You can barely hear a thing when they flap. They aren’t quite as quiet as owls, but pretty close. That’s probably a predator adaptation.

Spouse: Makes sense.

Me: They don’t seem to like the dog food, though. There’s still a whole bunch out there.

Spouse: Well, keep trying things out and see what works.

Me: Yeah. Okay, I guess I’d better go out there and clean the songbirds’ water dish and stuff.

Me (out on the balcony, inspecting the site under the light of an electric bulb): …oh.

Spouse: What?

Me: The crows didn’t eat quite as many peanuts as I thought.

Spouse: Oh?

Me: Nice of them to try to feed the floor, though.

Spouse: Ah.

Me: Well, I’ll keep trying…

But WILL it pay off? COULD our brave heroine become a really truly friend of the crows?


…whoops. Sorry. Spoiler.

I meant to say: stay tuned!

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